Why we need to surrender

What is Surrender  all about?  – Hannah Woods, Trainee Counsellor UK

‘Learning to surrender has offered me a freedom from gripping anxiety’

Many people have different thoughts and feelings when they think about the word ‘surrender’.  It may call to mind images of effortlessly floating on a river, allowing yourself to be taken wherever the water flows. Perhaps you consider it an act of ‘giving up or giving in’ as though in surrendering, you are disengaging in life and losing yourself.

This is not how I have come to know or understand the act of surrender.

The act of surrender is something I have only recently come to understand. This understanding came after 40 years of working hard to control every aspect of my life through fear and worry.  I would focus on forcing a desired outcome or manipulating and pushing away an undesirable one. All of this was exhausting!

In the midst of my toughest times I was getting immense feelings of distress and anxiety. Overtime, this started to have a real impact on my wellbeing. It affected my self-esteem; my self-worth and I became plagued by feelings of inadequacy. I started to notice a feeling of dread when faced with situations I didn’t feel in control of. Often, I would feel so overwhelmed or helpless in a situation that it would plague me, preventing me from sleeping well and consume my thoughts, my peace.

On some level I knew that I was not in control which I found really challenging, I would put so much time and energy into pursuing an outcome that I wanted but having no guarantee that I would achieve it. This would leave me feeling helpless and inadequate.

I hit a point where I needed to step back and try a new approach. I encountered a particular occasion in my life that sticks out for me as a learning opportunity.  For months I had been tying myself up in knots trying to find a placement as a trainee counsellor.  Trying to navigate the demand of clinical hours with work commitments was really stressing me out. I had been battling with a fear that I would not achieve the hours I needed preventing me from qualifying for an additional 6 months. I responded to this fear by sending many emails and having many panicked conversations but it was not making it easier, in fact it was making it feel so much worse. So, what did I decide to do?

I let go of the worry around achieving my 100 clinical hours, let go of trying to juggle a placement with work and trusted that things would fall into place and the universe would hear and support me. My act of surrender.

Letting go of control was a scary and unfamiliar practice to me. I really wrestled with it as it went against what I knew, how I’d lived, it terrified me. However, looking back over the last 40 years, I could see that the old way, hadn’t worked for me.  It had brought me deep emotional pain and anguish!

So, I reached a point when I realised I had to let go and give up the need to control the outcome and surrender that to the universe. I was humbled when the universe delivered not one but two placements and I am so excited about both. Not only that, but the universe also ensured work were supportive and I have my first client next week! At this rate I will easily secure my 100 hours and look to qualify this year with everyone else.

Surrender can allow things to flow, to create, to unravel or to develop. Just stepping out of your own way can lead to better outcomes and a more peaceful mind and heart. 

When we consider the definition of ‘giving up’ or ‘giving in’, we come to understand that’s exactly what we need to do. Give up the need to control every aspect of a situation and give in to the truth that the universe has heard you.  This shift in thinking and acting, from controlling to accepting what will be will be, is terrifying and takes courage and compassion.  Courage to give over control of something that is important to you and compassion towards yourself for taking the step to surrender, which can feel hard.

Perhaps you can make a commitment to yourself this week to try to surrender to one situation in your life that you are finding challenging. Instead of working hard to create an outcome that you want, instead you could take a moment to sit, breathe, tune into the universal energy and set an intention to the universe and trust it has been heard.

If you notice you have some anxious feelings or worry, maybe you’re not sleeping well or you’re going over scenarios in your mind, stop what you are doing, take a moment and try to tune into what may be driving those feelings. Often the worry comes through fear of an undesired outcome. What is that for you?

Now ask yourself, rationally, what is the likelihood that the undesired outcome will occur? Be honest. When considering this, we can often agree that it is unlikely so we need to rationalise the worry. Perhaps use a positive coping statement such as, “I am worried that [insert undesired outcome here] may occur, but I know that is unlikely” or “I know this is feeling hard right now, but I am a good [insert role here – mother, wife, teacher, etc] and I can do this”. Once you rationalise the worry, you can let it go.

You’ll notice the feelings of anxiety or worry will reduce in intensity and your focus and confidence in the situation will return. It is here that the practice of surrender will enhance the positive mindset you are developing.

When we understand the true concept of surrender and live by it, even when it feels hard to do, we will obtain not only a sense of peace but an outcome that is right for us in that moment, and no one knows the answer to that more than the universe.